Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
