haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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