she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
