I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
