i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
