well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
