If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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