Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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