My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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