a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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