I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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