You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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