Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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