you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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