your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
