i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
