I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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