hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
