I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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