i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
