I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
