is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
