how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
