She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
