if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
