there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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