Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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