We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
