just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
