dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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