you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize