note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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