Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
