i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
