I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
