At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bring money and cleavage
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
