So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
