i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
