I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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