God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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