Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
