A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When are your genitals available?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
