I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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