Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my shit smells like andre
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
