College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
