I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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