I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
