respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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