At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
