I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
