why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
