i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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