The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Houston, we have a blender
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize