He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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