Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
