who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
