Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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