I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
