He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
