dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
