Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
