apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
