I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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