he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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