We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
