I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
