hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how does that bad decision feel?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
