There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
